Never Let Go
by leroguegirl
Summary: All he wanted was for Steve to hold him and never let go. Tony knew he never would let go. He never could. He would never let go. - Read and Review, pretty please!


Tony awoke, disoriented and immediately feeling sore. He felt like he'd just been thrown around by the Hulk. He'd seen people after the big guy tossed them around. They all looked like rag dolls. The normal human couldn't withstand the beating he can dish out, but then again, normal humans didn't go up against the Avengers. They were Earth's last defense and their first line for a counter attack. It's why they were called the Avengers.

He tried to stretch but was met with amazing resistance all the way to his bones. It hurt to even breathe, but he couldn't think about that. He and Cap had been out there, fighting against the greatest adversary they'd gone up against together without the other Avengers. They all worked amazingly as a team, but the others had been off fighting the goons while he and Cap attacked the big bad.

He barely remembered defeating him before collapsing. Cap had taken a beating too, but he had still been going strong when Tony remembered the world going dark around him. He had to see Steve. Even though he knew he was ok, he still had to see him. He had to make sure he knew he was alright. He knew he'd be worried about him. That never failed.

From the moment they'd gotten together, even before really, whenever one of them was hurt in a fight, the other always was there by their side, and if they weren't able to be, they'd get there as soon as possible. If Tony was here without him, there was no doubt in his mind Cap was out fighting off the goons with the rest of the Avengers. He knew that's where he'd be, but he still had to get to the command deck to watch him. He had to know that he's ok.

He pushed himself out of the bed, his body still protesting his movements. He was met with a pull of wires and IVs attached to his body. Whatever had happened to him must have been severe enough, but it didn't matter. He had to see Cap. Pulling the wires and IV from him, he stumbled a bit before finding his footing. This wasn't much different than stumbling out of bed with a hangover or even being still partially drunk.

It's been 2 years and counting since he'd touched a drink. He'd told everyone he'd stopped for the team, but he and Steve knew he stopped because Steve had asked him to. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for the man he loved. Steve always said "You're doing it for yourself," but Tony never believed that. Pepper had tried to get him to stop, but she had more or less tried to force him to stop, giving him demands and ultimatums. Steven never once did anything but encourage him.

He pulled at the door and it swung back nearly pulling him back with it, but he kept his footing. Immediately he was met by the helicarrier's medi-personnel. They all started urging him back into his bed, but he wouldn't have any of it. He felt fine. That was a lie, but Steve was more important. He knew he was alright, he was always alright, but that didn't stop him from feeling like something wasn't right at all, that he wasn't alright. He had to see him.

He spat at the group hovering around him and urging him back into the room. He didn't want any of them touching him. His ire was building and they all backed off though watched him warily. He made his way up to the command deck where he saw Fury standing and watching the screens. Bruce, Clint and Thor were all cleaning up the remains from the battle they'd all just been in. Tony didn't see Steve though. That should relieve him, but it didn't. The pain in his chest grew tighter around his heart.

"Where is he?"

Nick had been startled, not even knowing Tony was there, but it didn't faze him as he turned to look at Mr. Stark. "You should go back to your room, Stark."

Tony turned his head to the side. He didn't like that Fury hadn't answered his question, not with the tightness around his heart. "Where. Is. He. Nick?"

When he still didn't answer, that horrible stoic look on his face, Tony backed up, shaking his head. "No…" He shook his head more. "No." Turning around, he looked around the command center, as though he'd find him there even though he knew he wouldn't. "Steve?" He felt his heart sink in his chest. He had to find him. "Steve?" Tears started to sting at the corners of his eyes and he cried out for him. "Steve!"

Everyone was looking at him, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything but Steve. He should be there. He could feel that he was there, but he didn't know where. He wasn't on the command deck, so he left. The airy feeling in his head wasn't going to stop him. He was sure he would pass out, but he wouldn't allow it. The only thought in his head was Steven and finding him. He was somewhere there on the helicarrier and he needed him. Steve needed Tony and he'd find him.

He ran through the corridors of the helicarrier, ignoring the fleeting feeling in his head. It didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was finding Steve. He called out to him, his words getting weaker and weaker with every step he took. He wasn't going to stop though. He couldn't, not when Steve needed him. People didn't stop him, not after the few who got in his way got in his way were tossed aside as though it was Cap himself doing the tossing. Tony wasn't letting anything get in his way.

He came to a door, panicking as he stopped in front of it. He knew Steve was on the other side of the door. He just knew it. He'd never been in that room. He had no idea what was inside except that Steve was in there. He lifted his hand to open the door. It was a touch panel, but before his hand press to it to open it, he heard Natasha behind him.

"You don't want to go in there," she said surely. "You won't like what you see."

Tony's hand planted above the panel and his head dropped forward. "He's in there, Tasha. He needs me."

"He doesn't need anyone right now, Tony. You don't need to go in there."

Tony closed his eyes hard on the tears that were falling in full force now. Steve needed him. He always needed him. Letting his slide down the wall, he pressed his palm to the panel. The door whooshed open and Tony lifted his head. The room was dark, pitch black almost, but he knew Steve was in there. Taking a deep breath, he dropped his hand and walked into the room.

The lights immediately came on and Tony froze seeing a body lying on a table covered in a white sheet. His heart stopped in his chest. Steve. He swallowed hard and pushed himself forward. Reaching out, he grabbed at the sheet. Gripping at the fabric, Tony pulled the sheet away from the body slowly. It got caught on the opposite corners of the table and on the fabric stretched over the firm curves of Cap's muscles.

The sheet finally gave way to reveal Steve's body lying lifelessly there on the table. Tony dropped the sheet and it fell to a pool there by his feet. Slowly he walked up to stand beside his chest. Reaching out, he placed his hand over the star on his chest. His hands curled over and he dropped onto his chest, sobbing. This wasn't real. This couldn't be real. He couldn't lose him. Not like this. Not ever. He loved him. He needed him. He-

Suddenly Tony felt tight, firm arms wrapping around him and cradling him. He felt and heard a shhhshing and a kiss at the top of his head and he knew that Steve was alright. He wasn't dead. He… Pulling back, he realized he wasn't on the helicarrier. Steve wasn't wearing a torn and tattered Captain America suit. He was in a white T-shirt and his boxers. They were in their bed and he was soaking his shirt with tears.

"Shhhh, Tony, shhhh." Steve leaned forward and kissed Tony's lips, whispering, "It's ok. It's ok. It was just a dream."

His tears had stopped but his breathing was heavy and his chest still hurt. It had been a dream, but he could still feel the pain of losing him. Inhaling deeply, he nodded and rested his head back on Steve's firm, comforting chest. It was just a dream, but it still hurt and he didn't want to go back to sleep and experience it again. All he wanted was for Steve to hold him and never let go. Tony knew he never would let go. He never could. He would never let go.


End file.
